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www.darylwizelman.com

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Blog: www.heartleader.com

November 2011 Newsletter

Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving!  I love the opportunity to give thanks for my emotional and physical health and the emotional and physical health of the people in my life.  I also like the few days over the holiday weekend I get to reflect on the year.  One thought I always come back to is how amazing it feels to be alive and have the opportunity to love and be loved.

The month of October has been a month of loss for me.  First it was Steve Jobs.  Although I didn't know Jobs his death at age 56 after a long battle with cancer hit me hard.  Maybe it is that we are in the same age bracket (I am 46)?  Maybe it is hard to believe that someone of such greatness can be taken from us.  Maybe it is the fact that he knew he was going to die and spoke so candidly about how he felt leading up to his death?  Any way I look at it, it was a huge loss.

On Sunday October 16th 33 year old Indy Car race driver and two-time Indianapolis 500 Champion Dan Wheldon (Indy Car racing is my favorite sport) died in a huge crash at Las Vegas Speedway leaving behind a wife and 2 young sons.  In 2005 I took my father to the Indy 500 and we watched Wheldon win that race.  The trip served as a huge THANK YOU to my father who gave me $3500 to go into my own business in 1991.  That business became a large (550 employees) and successful business.  A collage of photographs, including one signed by Wheldon, hangs in my office at work as a reminder of my father's love for me and his contribution to my success.  It is ironic that I look at Wheldon's photo every day while I build a new mortgage company and navigate the rough waters of my personal and professional life.  Every time I am down or anxious I look up at Wheldon's photo and I am reminded that I have an opportunity to positively impact the world in my own little way and he is gone...

Finally, on October 19th Alan P. a long time friend and former employee of mine died suddenly at 51 years old.  Alan left behind his wife of over 30 years and a son. 

I am not sure if I am getting to an age where more people are dying or that I am just more in touch with myself and my feelings.  Either way each one of these deaths validates the many blessings I have and often take for granted.

I hope that this Thanksgiving finds you and yours emotionally and physically healthy.  I hope you are giving and receiving love.  Most of all I wish you peace.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Bricks in the Bag

What are the "bricks" you carry around in your bag and how do they affect your life and your business?

We all have "bricks" or burdens that we carry around with us.  To help manage those bricks we must understand why they are there and to be aware of them when something triggers negative or unhealthy behavior attached to those bricks.

I have many "bricks" but my two most significant are;

1. I feel responsible for everyone in my business and personal life. 

I feel that I have to improve their lives and take on their burdens.  I took emotional responsibility for my two younger brothers at age ten.  They didn't ask for the help.  I thought I needed to take responsibility because we had an unstable home life.  That feeling of responsibility has carried throughout my life both in my business life and my personal life. 

I feel the desire to improve the lives of everyone I meet. 

As an adult I understand that this "brick" is both selfless and selfish.  I am helping others while making myself feel good for helping them.

2. Money = Happiness

From a young age I watched society and it appeared to me that the happiest people were the ones with the most money.  As an adult I know in my brain that this is a myth.  However, I still default to this thinking when I am scared/fear of the future or anxious about not having enough money.

When I was a kid my parents struggled with money.  My parents were unhappy and divorced when I was ten years old.  We had neighbors that had a lot of money.  They appeared from the outside to be very happy.  Thus, the social proof for me was that money = happiness. 

Now in my 46th year of life I have lived with very little money and I have lived with a lot of money.  Some of the most unhappy years of my life occurred when I had the most money and some of the happiest years of my life occurred when I had the least money.  Money makes things easier but it doesn't make me happier.  This is still a tough hurdle for me to jump.

The interesting things about these "bricks" are that they don't disappear.  That being said, we can mitigate the pain we feel from them by understanding why we feel the way we feel and adjusting our actions and behaviors to live a healthy and balanced life.

Action Plan

1. Try to identify the bricks/burdens you carry with you. 

2. Where did they originate and why?

3. How do they manifest in your behavior today?

4. What can you do to mitigate the pain you feel because of these bricks/burdens?

Book and Music Recommendation

 There’s something about the piano as a lead instrument that just cannot be matched. When used properly, it’s classical, eloquent, rich and beautiful, providing a glossy emotional sheath that won’t be equalled by any other musical component. Andrew McMahon is already a seasoned veteran and in his hands the instrument comes alive in the most wonderful way, helping to craft another album filled with gorgeous melodies.

The most recent album released from Jack’s Mannequin titled People and Things rewards dedicated fans for their listening over the years. The band successfully integrates the sounds of the first two albums and adds a new touch to make it sound much more powerful. The album takes the lose ends of Everything in Transit and The Glass Passenger and ties them together to create a mind-blowing sound throughout every song.

McMahon has battled cancer and other personal demons which he writes/sings about and shares.  His work is transparent and vulnerable.  At times it feels like he is writing the songs with me in mind.  He sings of life's struggles and victories which richness and passion.

I hope you enjoy this music as much as I do.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

“The Art of Racing in the Rain” is simply superb.  It is written from the point of view of a dog (Enzo, named after Ferrari founder Enzo Ferrari)

Seattle writer Garth Stein has put more wisdom, humanity and insight into Enzo the dog’s thoughts than are found in most human characters in most books.  Enzo is devoted to Denny Swift, a semi-pro race driver based in Seattle. From Denny he learns to love racing.  A dog of profound understanding, he curses his lack of an opposable thumb, and the big, floppy tongue that won’t allow him to form words, which he understands thoroughly.  Enzo’s relationships with Denny, his wife Eve, and their daughter Zoë are complex and completely absorbing. This is no Pollyanna book. Some hard things happen, but they are balanced by joy.

“Racing” is sweet without bathos, profoundly moving throughout, and with a perfect ending.

Enjoy the read! 

Quotation

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.  Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.  Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."

          -Steve Jobs

A Closing Note

Thank you for reading this month's newsletter.  I hope you are able to use some of the content to improve your life and/or your career.  If there is an opportunity for me to speak at an upcoming conference or meeting, please let me know.
 
If you like what you see, please feel free to review my web site at www.darylwizelman.com.  I speak on leadership, work/life balance, strategic initiatives, emotional intelligence and life planning among other topics that can be viewed on my web site.  I believe I can inspire your group and provide them with excellent practical tools to improve their career and their life.
 
There are two buttons below.  One reads, "forward email."  Please forward this newsletter to anyone that you believe would derive benefit from its content. 

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Again, thank you for your interest.
 
Daryl

Daryl Wizelman
www.darylwizelman.com
daryl@wizelman.com

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